Working-Mother's Guilt

Its Saturday night and I have just finished a week from hell.. Too many hours, too much work and not enough time with my boys. I am sitting here typing this with a stack of work sitting beside me just waiting for me. Sometimes I think I can't do this any more and then I remember why I work as hard as I do. Its because of them. It really is just that simple. I get up every morning, get ready for work, drive into the office, work 10 - 12 hours and then drive home knowing that they will already be in bed. I say to myself that its better to work these hours now before they get older and understand that I am not around, but it still bothers me to know that I am not there to kiss them before bed. Why am I working so much? Well, my company has a division that is on the fast growth path and I want to be a part of it. It is a positive direction with a lot of potential for me to establish myself within an area that will give me longevity. I love what I do and feel like I am really making a difference but it really is too much for one person to do. I have asked for help and although I have been told help is coming, I am not seeing any really action being taken. My boss has offered to take some tasks from me but the problem with that is I have a system established that allows me to track and monitor those tasks in a way that allows me to not have to worry about when or how things happen. If he takes these tasks on, I will have no way to ensure that my procedures are followed and that we have the ability to access information on a moments notice. Why is that important, you ask? Well, I am a control freak and if things are not in their right and proper place, it stresses me out. That's why I want an assistant I can train to do stuff the way I want and I will have the ability to ensure that happens. So I guess the bottom line is how much control do I give up in the hopes of getting home before bedtime. The answer is simple... I give it up and deal with the stress as it comes. It really is the only thing I can do that will be of benefit for my boys. I hope someday when they are older and have a family of their own, they understand the heartache I feel each time I leave them or am not home for a new skill or experience. I pray that they know that I never want my headstone to read "She worked hard.", but instead I want it to say "She gave everything to her boys. Time, understanding, love and support". Well the work awaits and I must get to it or I will have no chance of getting home before bedtime next week. So I will get it done now so I might be able to kiss them good night next week. No matter that it's Saturday night and all I want to do is read and relax, the bottom line is I do what I do for my boys. They are what is important.