I'm Sorry

I am sorry I haven't been writing lately, my baby boys. Mommy has been working so much and is so tired that she just doesn't have the energy to be witty. Just know that mommy loves you and that she is working so hard so you will have a successful future. She feels guilty that she doesn't have more time to be with you. I just thank God every day for your father. Just remember babies that you and your daddy are the reason Mommy wakes up every morning. Thank you for being my boys.

Parent Speak

There are so many things that you never thought you would say before you became a parent and some of them are just plain odd. Below are some of my favorites:

1. Don't head-butt the cat!

2. Don't finger paint with your poo!

3. Get that light bulb out of your mouth!

4. Don't poop in the tub!

5. Daddy did NOT poison your food, now eat!!!

I can't decide if my boys are out of control or if they are just being toddlers. Either way, I am slowly creating a manifesto on how to live a happy and productive life, and I believe I have just named the first five chapters.

M.I.A.

I am so sorry that I have been MIA for the last couple of weeks. June is very busy for us and there is never enough time for anything, let alone everything. So I have let my blogging responsibilities slack. I promise that I will be back to being witty and wise within the next week. Until then, just think funny thoughts and know mine were probably funnier. (just kidding.. you're funny, no really, you really are... now don't be that way... don't go away mad... come on... Okay, I will buy you a pony if you come back and visit... yeah, that didn't work with the boys either.)

Naked Puddle Splashin'

Naked puddle splashin' would be a part of the next Summer Olympic Games if my boys had anything to say about it. It could be judged on technical difficulty, creativity and style. Heck, even better, set the routine to music and we could have ourselves the next big reality competition show.

Every Young Man's Fantasy

Naked, playing with your dump truck!!!!

Hippie Dippy Nature Lovin'

There is nothing like communing with nature, man... It's so radical and real... Know what I mean, man? Like Real...

The sun is like shining, man, and the world is like around us. I can't believe how blue the sky is man. It's like blue, man.....

Sometimes you just have to take a seat and really get back to our roots... like plants, man...

Nothing like climbing into a chair and just listening to the world... deep man, it's real deep...

Like this is like the best day ever man!

Spring Time Fun

It's been warm the last couple of days so we decided that the boys would enjoy some play time in their pool on Saturday. Of course, Daddy and I didn't plan ahead and had no "little swimmers" around the house that would fit them so we let them go in their pool with their regular diapers and shorts (I think we have swim trunks upstairs but who wants to go all the way up there to get them, not I said the fly.).

Paul had filled the pool up a few days earlier and put a plastic tarp over the top to keep any unwanted critters from taking a dip. The sun we have had over the last couple of days along with the greenhouse effect caused by the tarp warmed the water so that it was very comfortable. The boys thought of it as a really big bath tub. We actually were concerned that the boys would not like it because last year they freaked out if we tried to get them in the pool. As you can see from the pictures, no "freak outs" this year. Paul continued to toss new stuff in the pool for the boys to play with. He tossed in rubber duckies, rocks, a big blue ball and when that wasn't enough fun, he started pouring water over the boys. The boys thought this was the best thing since applesauce and they love themselves some applesauce.

Overall, it was a gorgeous day and the boys had so much fun. We had to do it all again on Sunday, but this time we decided to just go "hippie" in the pool, but without the psychedelic drugs and extremely ripe body odor. Peace, Man!

Benjamin looks to Daddy for Advice...

As previously mentioned, Benjamin did not like the water toy one little bit. He cried and whined when the water hit him. So, what does any boy do when he loses his courage. He sits down for a talk with Dad.

After some encouraging words and some advice on the best way to hit Momma with the water, Ben was ready to face his fears.

As a parent, there is nothing more exciting than watching your child face a fear and overcome it. What a truly brave boy Ben was today. At one point, both boys were enjoying the water. I guess I will always remember Memorial Day 2008 as the day Zachary took the lead and Benjamin followed with his amazing Daddy at his side. I am so blessed to have three such amazing men in my life.

Water Wizard Zachary

Sometimes you think you will know who will react positively to a new experience, and then it happens nothing like you expected.

Today, we turned on the new water toy that Paul had to get for the boys. We thought Benjamin would be running through it like a crazed beast, but yet again, we were wrong. Benjamin was terrified and mad every time the water splashed him. Zachary, on the other hand was fascinated and completely enthralled by the little tubes shooting out water.

Now remember, this is the same boy who believes that Tickle-Me Elmo is a demon-lord sent to suck the life out of every little boy on the planet. (Okay, I might exaggerate, but you have never seen the look of fear in this kids face when you poke that red furry belly. It's enough to make me take after that toy with a machete and give him something to laugh about.)

So below are some of my favorite pictures of our Water Wizard. He is amazing!!!

Sporty, Yet Practical...

The right hat will make or break an outfit. You can go from being a DO to a DON'T so quickly just by selecting the wrong lid. It must set the tone for the overall look and add to the outfit, not overshadow it. As you can see, these fellows have struck the perfect balance. Nothing says carefree and sporty on a warm spring day, than a fresh diaper from Huggies and a red, white and blue visor. You could only hope to look this good.

Zachary

Zachary is serious, careful and diligent in all that he does. I think what he does best is melt my heart and make me understand what is beautiful about this world. Thank you Zachary for not always looking at the camera when I am taking pictures.

I'M CUTE...

Did I make my point?

Poor Puck

My name is Puck (named after Puck from Midsummer Night's Dream and not The Real World). Seven years ago, I meet this lady who needed a companion. Her roommate had moved to Austin and she didn't want to be alone all the time. Her boyfriend was living with his Grandmother and they were in negotiations to move in together, but still she needed a friend. So, she brought me home and it was great for the first few months. Until she decided I needed a friend to keep me company while she was at work. So she added Slick to the family. He is not such a bad cat, but man, is he a scrawny little thing.

Eventually, this girl and her boyfriend bought a house together and lived in sin until they got married. There have been more members added to the family. Moe was after Slick (there was some joke about Moe being the third stooge, but I never got what was funny about that). Next there was an invasion of the canine variety, which if I am being perfectly honest, sucked outloud. I mean honestly what was she thinking bringing in those suck-up butt-sniffers? Well, either way, no one asked my opinion, so we all adapted and only occasionally do things turn ugly or you could say "the fur flies".

So as you can see we have all made sacrifices and changes in order to build our happy family. Then one day it all changed. That crazy lady and her man brought home these two strange-looking, extremely loud, very-stinky strays. It was like our family was being torn apart. At night, there was never any peace and quiet. These creatures wailed and screamed for attention. Not once thinking of the sleep that both I and my fellow furred family needed. We had very busy days planned with stretching, cleaning, eating and batting at fuzzy balls (or shaking stuffed animals in the case of the canines). It was a tough time in our family and one that almost landed all of us in therapy or at least on major meds to control the anxiety, but we made it through.

Now I know that these strays are actually their human children and aren't just passing through until a good home could be found for them. The horror experienced the day she told me that I could not lay in her lap because she was feeding the boys. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I would have worse indignities to contend with and that day is now.

I try to ignore it as much as I can, but for some reason this one thinks I am a pillow. He also thinks I want to eat imaginary food off a spoon. Last week, he tried to make me drink out of his "sippy" cup (what ever the hell that is). I know I just have to lay back and think about something else, but sometimes its hard. I feel so violated. He doesn't even give me a treat when he is done.

But no matter how violated I feel by the other one, it is nothing compared to this one. He is always coming at me with something. I don't mind a good back scratching like anyone else, but did he really have to use a big stick to do it. I knew at any moment I would be knocked unconscious only to wake up in a den of beagles with bacon stuck to my recently shaved body. This one also likes to bring me things. He recently tried to see if those things that stick to the side of the refrigerator would stick to me. Every time it fell off, he would put it back and then press it down to help it stay. Last night, he tried stacking up blocks on me and when they slid off, he screamed and jumped up and down. I was afraid for my life. I tried to hold still so the blocks would not fall, but you have to realize I am not flat. I am fluffy and no matter how much I sucked in my stomach, those blocks were going to fall off.

I can only hope that I can avoid their attention as often as possible. The rest of the cats and I are banding together to ensure that the canines are always front and center when these things are around. We have all agreed that we will migrate to the floor that these "toddlers" (I guess that's what they are called) are not on and then stay there until they go to bed. If we need food, water or the "box", we send down Slick to run interference. He is scrawny but fast and if he gets caught, he always seems to get lose. Last week, we thought it would be the end of Slick but some how he made it back to base camp with both cheeks full of food and a canteen of water (okay, I made that up, but this is war and we will not be taken alive... okay I made that up too..)

Bottom-line, I took on this gig to give some companionship to this lonely single broad and ended up in a houseful of nutters who think it is funny to put bunny ears on me and take my picture. I guess the moral of this story is know your options before you agree to anything and never (and I mean ever) turn your back on the little ones. They are fast.

Step 1 - Admitting You Have a Problem.

A new addition has been added to our backyard. It is some climbing thingy from Little Tykes. It cost too much for a bunch of plastic, but the boys like it so that's all the matters. We went to four different stores, checked the phone book for alternative playground equipment and ended up driving across town to find this thing. We spent two hours during sporadic sprinkles putting this sucker together with the boys wanting to climb on every piece of it that was not assembled.

Now ask yourself why we would go to all this trouble for a lot of plastic. Well, I could say that it was because the mulch we ordered for the boys play area was being delivered in two days and we wanted to have everything set up so that it was just a matter of moving it into the play area. I could say that we were bored and like using gas up driving all over Milwaukee. I could say because it was our penance for murdering the guy at the drive through for screwing up our order. But alas, none of these would be true.

The truth is that we did all that just to see the smiles on their faces the first time they figured out how to climb to the top and slide down all by themselves.

I seriously think that there needs to be 12-step program established to help us overcome our addiction to their smiles. I mean the cravings are intense and the lengths we will go, to see a smirk, is embarrassing. I mean seriously, would you ever think that I would walk through a store making this strange noise (cross between a turkey and water boiling) while shaking my face violently back and forth in order to make my triple chin vibrate just so that Benjamin will laugh out loud. Of course you can't, because you knew me before I started jones-ing for giggles and grins... Now it is all I can do not to breakout into "I'm a Little Tea Pot" while out in public.

Where has all my dignity and pride gone? Why do I continue to chase after that fleeting high? Because there is nothing like it in the world and no limits to what I am willing to do to make it happen at least 10 times a day.

So if you see me at a restaurant some day and I am making the salt and pepper shakers perform a cha-cha, just know I have no control. It is part of the addiction.

Recommendations to the IRS

I have been thinking lately on how I can help the economy and at the same time get the financial "assistance" that I need. Below are my top three ideas (so far):

1. Make at least 1/3 of all Gas (I realized once I was done writing this post that I capitalized Gas... sort of like God... that's sad, real sad)used by each tax paying American a tax deduction.

Why? (Glad you asked.) Because I would say that is the lowest percentage of gas used by a single American in an effort to get to work on a daily basis. Oh, you were asking why it should be a tax deduction... Well, it's simple really. I only drive those miles to go somewhere to make the money that I then pay the government to keep the bloated US government running. So I think that because most of the reason I am driving those miles is so the government can pay farmers not to grow crops, continue to enable a entitled-attitude amongst our most dis-enfranchised communities and spend $5 per paper clip at the White House. Without that gas that I consume, none of that might be possible. So give a girl a break and let me a little back.

2. Coffee - Make all the coffee consumed in America a tax deduction.

Why? (Well, I think its obvious, but here it goes.) I only consume coffee to get up in the morning to go to work to make the money to pay the taxes to enable the bloat and thus keep this country moving. So, I think that I should be given a benefit for being willing to hype myself up on caffeine to help this country prosper.

3. Good Citizen Tax Credit - I believe that I should get $50 for each month of the year that I don't pop a cap into some jag-off who cuts me off on the freeway or gives me the wrong order at the drive-thru or asks if my boys are twins.

Why? (Now you are just being silly. I should not have to explain to you) I know I'm not suppose to hurt people and so I don't. I live within the boundaries of the law, support local economy and live my life as a contributing member of society. I mean honestly, if Baby Momma can get food stamps because she can't keep her legs shut, then should I not get something too for internalizing my stress instead of acting out.

Can you tell I paid close to $4.00 a gallon for gas this weekend? Can you also tell that I'm sort of bitter about that? No... Well, good. I was trying to keep my emotions in check -- see once again, I am earning my Good Citizen Tax Credit.

Cain and Abel No More...

For the longest time after the boys were born, Paul and I referred to them as Cain and Abel. During the first six months of life, one would be crying and screaming which would provoke the other to laugh. Later on, we thought they would never notice that the other existed. Then after that, we thought they would never play together without screaming when they accidentally invaded each other's space. Now this weekend, we have witnessed a miracle. Oh, the boys do play together now and will tolerate each other when sitting in mommy or daddy's lap, but this was different.

Zachary climbed in the chair with Ben and then kissed him (which made Benjamin smile), and then Ben hugged his brother. We have proof... see below:

I don't think we have seen the last of the sibling angst, not by a long shot, but I will always have these pictures to use as blackmail when I have the need.

Lounge Chair Climbing... the Newest Best Fun Ever

I can't decide if this picture reminds me more of Indiana Jones hanging from the side of a mountain or that kitten hanging from the branch in the "Hang In There" Poster. Either way, I think you will understand why I think this picture is hilarious. P.S. The boys will try to traverse the bottom of the downward sloping end of the lounge chair and then slide to the bottom of their bellies. This is followed by giggles and shreaks of glee.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane... NO, It's SUPERMAN

It's Just a Ball... of Fun that Is....

Sometimes running around the yeard with a big blue ball is just thing to make you smile.

But then your brother does something to make you mad and then you aren't so happy any more.

But then you think about it for a minute...

and you realize that your brother was just being himself so you decided to go back to having a ball.

Pure Joy

Sometimes joy is found in the simplest things -- like a piece of chalk.

Great News!!!

Molly had another check-up yesterday for her recently diagnosed diabetes. After 4 weeks of trying to figure out her diet and insulin dosage, we finally hit on a winning combination. Yesterday, Molly had gained a half pound and her sugar levels came back at 97 which is within normal range (for perspective, Molly's sugar test came back at between 450 - 600 for the last 4 weeks). We feel so much better knowing that we have this figured out and that she is feeling better

Congratulation Molly. You have been a real trouper

Whatzzz Up?

All they need is the TV remote and a cool drink to complete the picture.

Iggy Boy

This is Iggy, Gabby's brother. He doesn't like Italian food or anything else for that matter. He actually is a very sweet kitty, but he has a problem with other dogs and cats (even Gabby on some days) which means that he has a huge stick up his butt most days. The above picture was taken one day when Iggy was having a more tolerant day. No real point to this post, but I figure if I introduce Gabby, I have to give Iggy equal time.

Lookin' for a Fellow Italian Lover

Meet Gabby... She is the only female cat in our household and she is a real diva/cougar. While I was pregnant, Gabby joined me for lunch every day when I got home. During this time I found out that Gabby loves fast food (especially French Fries), Salad, apple, strawberry, graham crackers, nilla wafers and cheese sandwiches. As you can tell, Gabby and I have a lot in common. We love to eat.

Gabby's favorite food is Italian Tonight, Paul ended up stomping around the kitchen like a man on fire trying to drive Gabby away. Apparently, she had stationed herself to the right of the stove and decided the best way to get some of the speghetti was to slowly move in between Paul's feet while loudly meowing. Which is similar to my approach to getting what I want from Paul without the actual winding around his feet or the meowing, but I do hover and whine so its very close when considered as a strategy.

She is a very special little girl and I think she could really benefit from a special kitty friend with whom she can spend long hours enjoying candle light Italian dinners. This way I don't have to share my speghetti and she can have her meatballs and eat them too. So if you know of a special tomcat looking for a little companionship and a lot of Italian food, please let me know so we can get these cats hooked up.

Brotherly Love

So what do you do when your father lifts the front of the sled and dumps you backwards....

You laugh and hug each other!!!

Benjamin - Photo Fun

Benjamin transfixed by the Garden Fairy... oooohhhh shiney I took my new book out so I could read a paragraph or two while the boys and Paul played in the backyard. As you can see, I didn't get a chance to read Nora Robert's newest novel, because Ben decided that he had to read it first.

Zachary - Fun Photos

I never get pictures of Zachary actually looking at the camera. Well, I finally caught a few of him today.

I actually got a smile in this one... Can you believe it?

I had to include this one because it was so cute. Zachary was standing at the front gate looking through the crack at the kids running down the sidewalk. If he could have figured out a way to get out that gate, he would have been gone, chasing after all the little girls.

Missing Mother

When my mother passed away in 2004, Paul and I decided that when we were settled in our new house, we would plant a Japanese Maple in my mother's memory. As you can see in the picture above, we did just that.

As my wonderful husband pulled my boys around the backyard in their sled, I snapped this picture. When I got a look at it, I realized how much I miss my mother and how much she would have loved to see their smiles and hear their laughter.

I guess I will have to make sure that we always remember to spend a little time sledding around the tree (winter and spring) so we will remember Mama and she will get to enjoy the fun.

Wisconsin Spring Sports

So what do you do in the backyard when spring starts sprouting in Wisconsin and your parents are still working on getting your play area set up?

Well, you climb in your sled (notice Zachary taking the daredevil position) and have your daddy drag you around the yard. Daddy commented that this task is much easier with snow present but not near as comfortable.

Grammy Sue's Gift

When the boy's were born, my oldest, dearest friend's mother (Grammy Sue) made the above sign (for lack of a better word) for my hospital door. It was one of the greatest, most beautiful gifts I have ever received. This gorgeous sign still hangs in the nursery today and I love to look at it as my boys play.

I just had to share with you this labor of love.

Thank you Grammy Sue for your love and this extremely precious gift.

Ben-zan of the Living Room

First I will swing to the couch and then across to the TV cabinet.

Benjamin (a.k.a. Ben-zan of the Living Room) - April 2008

Starting Early

Paul and I believe that it is time for the boys to start earning their keep around the house. As you can see they are now doing the dishes. Its important that we train them early so they know what we expect.

And if you believe that, I have some ocean front property in Kansas that you would love.

Life Lesson #57

Boys...

I will periodically remember to incorporate some valuable life lessons in this forum so that someday you might read this and hopefully learn from your mother's experience.

Life Lesson #57 - Mondays SUCK!

Mondays start too early

Last too long

And are filled with all the stuff you didn't do on Saturday and Sunday

Why do I tell you this? Well, because I want you to know that everyone feels this way and that you are not unique or alone in this loathing of Mondays.

So stop whining and just get up, because no matter what you do Monday will always follow Sunday. Just remember, once Monday is over, you are one day closer to Saturday.

Love Mom.

P.S.: If you decide that you do what to go to college, don't ever sign up for an 8am Monday morning class. Just trust me.

Doesn't this Melt Your Heart?

Doesn't get much better than that.